Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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