If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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