I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
