You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
