I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
