Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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