Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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