i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
