First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
