The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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