Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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