how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
