I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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