what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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