9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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