i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
