Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
