i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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