Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
