Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
