Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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