Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My bed smells like the plague
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
