she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
