and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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