Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
