I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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