That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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