break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
