My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
