My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
