I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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