that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You pole danced in your parka.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
