dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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