Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
