How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
