i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
