Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
