Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
