Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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(209): View more from California

this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

Fav 27 9928 1132
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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

Fav 8 1042 1348
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(214): View more from Texas

you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party

Fav 0 925 537
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(248): View more from Michigan

Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom

Fav 1 712 450
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(555): View more from

Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.

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