I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
