Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's always time for handjobs
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
