I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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