You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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