What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
