After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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