She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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