The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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