The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
