textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
