dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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