what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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