shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
3 2 1 whiskey
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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