I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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