Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
