i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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