I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
