Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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