I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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