I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
