I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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