Porn is love you can see.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
