she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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