mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
