Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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