i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
