I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
