but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.