He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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