Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?