Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien

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(205): I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien http://tfl.nu/9idk

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(914): View more from New York

at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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(914): at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors. http://tfl.nu/h61j

Replies (5) Good night (3702) Bad night (1163)
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(818): View more from California

i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

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(818): i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign http://tfl.nu/0lhe

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.

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(405): I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning. http://tfl.nu/v1az

Replies (9) Good night (3662) Bad night (1522)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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(605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c

Replies (2) Good night (2949) Bad night (839)
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(347): View more from New York

his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.

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(347): his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you. http://tfl.nu/crxb

Replies (9) Good night (3430) Bad night (943)
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(817): View more from Texas

You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all

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(817): You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all http://tfl.nu/x3bd

Replies (19) Good night (2954) Bad night (858)
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(516): View more from New York

my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing

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(516): my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing http://tfl.nu/sqvp

Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (1430)
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(831): View more from California

i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila

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(831): i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila http://tfl.nu/efvv

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(925): View more from California

Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.

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(925): Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis. http://tfl.nu/pfu8

Replies (13) Good night (1420) Bad night (791)
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(734): View more from Michigan

When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out

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(734): When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out http://tfl.nu/vrth

Replies (5) Good night (877) Bad night (1468)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.

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(781): You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe. http://tfl.nu/3tsh

Replies (3) Good night (539) Bad night (995)
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(970): View more from Colorado

He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.

(303): View more from Colorado

Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.

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(970): He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out. (303): Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do. http://tfl.nu/z2aq

Replies (3) Good night (2177) Bad night (765)
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(410): View more from Maryland

It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.

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(410): It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station. http://tfl.nu/qovz

Replies (1) Good night (560) Bad night (707)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise

(908): View more from New Jersey

omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg

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(774): did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise (908): omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg http://tfl.nu/l4h8

Replies (5) Good night (1339) Bad night (619)

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