mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
