I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me