Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.