I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were destined to go to rehab together
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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