I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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