People in love make me want to vomit
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
