sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They are going to name an STD after you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
