Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
