There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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