I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
