You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
