I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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