Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
