I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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