Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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