are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
