Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
