I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
