she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
